One of the most crucial lessons to take away from repeated sessions of meditating is the power we can harness in quiet and in stillness. What sort of power does silence have, you may wonder. So many of us wanna blurt out the thing that pops into our head. We want to correct someone’s misunderstanding of us or defend our honor. Feeling uncomfortable is hard! When I say uncomfortable, I mean physically or emotionally. Emotional pain is something every human experiences: grief, jealousy, anger, hurt, rejection, loneliness, misunderstood, ignored, sadness, fear, etc. Physical pain is more obvious such as the classic lower back pain or zapping electric pain down our hands. When our bodies feel discomfort, our mind turns to its automatic fight or flight response and embodies the “Get me out of here!” sensation.
With meditation, we can learn to trust ourselves and our bodies in these scenarios. Repeated sessions of meditation teach us to pause and to note; to survey the scene before we open our mouths or begin the cycle of catastrophizing. We can note the sensations and emotions in our bodies’ manifestations and in that pause, be mindful of our reaction and intention.
When you sit down to your meditation practice, whether you are in a place of discomfort or not, start the practice of NOTING. Noting begins in the moment when you realize you are no longer focused on the breath. Really pause in that moment and note what you were just thinking about. For some, it may help to label it.
Examples:
- Imagining what I want to say to my boss next time I see her -> Planning
- Reviewing all of the things I should’ve said during my argument with my spouse -> my mind is in the past. Regret.
- Imagining all of the fun I will have with my girls this weekend -> Future Planning. Planning.
- Realizing I forgot the milk and being annoyed about it -> Past Planning. Self-chastising.
- Noticing a lower back ache that has been nagging and becoming upset at its return -> Worrying, Self-chastising, or Catastrophizing.
When you find yourself in this space; note the thought and, if it is helpful, label it, then go back to the breath. What you do not want to do is linger on the fact that your mind wandered. Your mind will do what the mind has been habituated to do. At the beginning of your practice, it will wander A LOT! And that is okay!! It takes practice and it takes gentleness. When you find yourself distracted, it does not help to beat yourself up for the distraction. Habitually, you may slip into self-flagellation before you even get to Noting, but then, just note when this happens and return to the breath. Meditation is a wonderful moment of pause to remind yourself that this is a time for forgiveness. It seems silly if this is not something you have done before, but it begins to lay a foundation for compassion. This compassion, when seeded into ourselves, becomes quite a powerful tool in the future which we will discuss another time.
So let us pick an example from above and model out some inner monologue that we can consider instead. Let’s say you begin to ruminate about an argument with your spouse where you review what was said, what you wish you said, and/or how unjust and misunderstood you feel. Once you notice that you are in this space, use your inner voice to say “what is done is done. Right now these 10 minutes are a gift for me, a quiet space to rest peacefully in. I can make space to deal with the details of the argument later. Now is for me.” Oftentimes, nearly every time, I will shorten all of that and simply command myself to “be here now,” and this will remind myself to get back to my breath. I will even use these heightened feelings to help my meditation practice. What I mean by that is, I will notice how anger might show up in my throat or my shoulders. My anger sometimes manifests itself as a heat in my chest. Just noticing it with curiosity and wonder. “Wow, how very interesting the way my feelings and emotions can manifest as something physical.” No judgment. No labeling. Just noting; with wonder and curiosity. When I am in this mode, I also have the pleasure of noting these sensations melt away. I can then choose a random body part, like finger tips and try to focus on them and see if they can manifest themselves in some way. Then before you know it, the ten minutes are up!
This is not to say that the issue that keeps coming to mind is not something to be dealt with at all. Using the example above about the argument that didn’t sit well, I encourage you to set time aside to deal with it. What I am suggesting is that the time you sit for meditation is not the time for that.
I often tell beginners to just commit to meditating for ten minutes a day. It does not matter what time of day you choose but I ask that it is at the same time each day when you are beginning because we are setting new habits. If you don’t have time for 10 minutes that day, do not skip it, instead, adjust the time. Perhaps you can do five minutes, perhaps you can do a solid single minute. Keep the habit, this will be important.
It helps to set an intention just before you sit down to your meditation session. Consider setting your intention to note with compassion. Without judgment, practice noting and when you are finished with your ten minutes, congratulate yourself on your efforts regardless of how it went. Let me know here if you have any questions and most especially if you have any successes!