There have been patients and even friends and family who have told me they cannot meditate because they cannot shut their minds off. I remember once thinking that! Once I did find that I could do it, I believed the only way I could meditate was to exercise really hard in my Core Power classes and only after thorough fatigue could I lay on the ground in Savasana (aka: Corpse Pose) and meditate. It was not until I actually learned about meditation that I realized I was thinking of it all wrong.
Most people become frustrated with how busy their minds are when they attempt to meditate. They sit down for the goal of peaceful meditation and instead they hear all the voices of thought. Thoughts can be copious and overwhelming. You may find yourself thinking about that birthday gift for the party coming up that you have not purchased yet or remembering that you meant to wash the sheets. Perhaps thoughts of an earlier argument begin to replay and you think of all the ways it could have gone differently. Other ways we can begin to dwell in the past is when our brains sink into regret. We may spend the time thinking about how a relationship failed or how our diet plan failed. This is all okay. Congratulations, you have started to meditate!
The Headspace App was the first place I heard the descriptor of our mind being the sky and our thoughts the clouds floating across the sky; they come and go but we are not the clouds, we are the sky. As you meditate, you absolutely will have intrusive thoughts! Humans will human!! But as a meditator, you learn that the view is from a step farther back. You notice, “Hey, there I go again thinking about what I need to prepare to have dinner ready tonight…” This is an important step: Noting. Notice the thought. You may even want to label it, “planning.” And then start again; focus on your breath. What you do not want to do is chastise yourself for thinking. Avoid thoughts such as, “ugh, there I go again, how long have I been thinking and not meditating? I only have 10 minutes. I can’t believe I wasted any of them on that!” This mode of thinking pulls you further into thought and the goal is to take a step back. If you do find yourself in the mode where you are beating yourself up, no problem, note that! Notice that you are being hard on yourself and that you do not need to be. That you have the choice to focus on your breath instead. Let it go. In this manner, you begin a new habit that looks more like compassion. Then start again.
Here are some tips to set up for success:
- Setting: Although eventually you will be able to meditate in a room full of noise, as a beginner, you will want to find an optimal, quiet space. It may be sitting in your car before you step into work, a moment on the couch before you leave, or a corner in your bedroom before you head to bed. You may even set up a special place in your house that inspires you to sit or lay for meditation. I would recommend surrounding this space with plants and scented candles, though this is not necessary. You want it to be comfortable. Most importantly, you want it to be free from interruption. Turn your watches and phones to Do-Not-Disturb, or better yet, turn them off or leave them in another room.
- Start with an attainable goal: Meditation is a new habit and habits are never “easy” to start and stop. Make it a goal to meditate for 5-10 minutes a day. For most, having a guide is helpful. There are many apps with free options such as HeadSpace, the one I began with. Other options are WakingUp, Calm, Insight Timer, and more. There are also various podcasts on meditation such as Ten Percent Happier where guests are interviewed but the pod also provides short meditations to listen along with. If you do not have a meditation app or podcast going, you may want to set a timer so that you do not have to keep checking the time to see how much longer you have left.
- Try different methods: When you meditate, the guide may ask you to focus on your breath. Keep in mind that can mean different things to different people. If you are very visual you may initially try to imagine a cartoon like wind flowing in through your nostrils and filling up your lungs and then blowing back out in little curly-Qs into the world. If you are a touch based person, you may try to focus on where you feel the breath. Do you feel the coolness along your nostrils, the back of the nose and throat, or maybe you feel the belly and rib cage moving up and down the most? Perhaps you start to notice a spot on your body as you breathe, such as a soreness on the rib. Focus on that spot with curiosity. Does it have a temperature? Does it move evenly with the rest of the ribs? Does it tingle? Does it disappear and start to feel numb? Keep it light and curious. Play with all of these different feelings and angles. Try to shift your focus through all the different ways you can experience the breath and the body. In this way, you can prevent feeling “bored” with this activity and also it helps to stave off the intrusive thoughts.
- Practice compassion: Intrusive thoughts are part of the game. Note them and then go back to the breath. You will have to be in charge of telling yourself that it was just a thought that you will come back to later. No need to label it good or bad. No need to think of it for one more minute. There is plenty of time in life to dwell on thoughts but right now, for only ten minutes, you will focus on your breath. Tell that thought to wait in your back pocket. These ten minutes every single day will be your gift to yourself but, as Levar Burton used to say, “you don’t have to take my word for it!”
